Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 19 No. 2 – May 18, 2009
Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.
TR: Good afternoon. Are you Tom Anderson?
TA: Can’t you tell by the white T-shirt?
TR: I’m just making sure – there’s some doubt that you even exist.
TA: Yeah, I heard that rumor, but here I am in the flesh.
TR: I didn’t know you had a tattoo.
TA: Only my mother knows about it.
TR: It’s in the shape of the Milky Way.
TA: Yeah, pretty cool, no?
TR: It’s appropriate I guess.
TA: Yeah, outer space.
TR: Could I have a beer?
TA: A beer?
TR: Yes sir, a beer.
TA: Well if I had some I would gladly give you one but we don’t keep beer in the office.
TR: Why not?
TA: Well, it’s part of the MySpace terms. No beer on the premises.
TR: May I sit down?
TA: Of course – you can use that chair over there.
TR: The shiny one?
TA: Yeah – the paint should be dry by now.
TR: …and if it’s not?
TA: Then you can sit on the other chair – the one with the broken leg.
TR: Why is the furniture so rickety?
TA: We were bought out by Rupert Murdoch not too long ago and the guy is such a cheapskate it’s unbelievable. He got rid of all the stylish new furniture Chris and I had and he insisted on everything second hand. The good things in here I had to bring from my apartment. It’s a good thing it’s only two blocks away.
TR: Can I print that?
TA: About my apartment?
TR: No, about the furniture.
TA: No – he might get mad and fire me.
TR: Ok, I won’t. You don’t have pictures on the walls either?
TA: It’s forbidden by MySpace terms.
TR: Really?
TA: No – I made that up. I just happen to not like pictures on the wall. They are a distraction.
TR: Yes, of course. You are very busy with your 250,000,000 friends.
TA: 287,000,000.
TR: Is that more than Facebook?
TA: We are neck and neck. Have you seen their site lately? Nothing but games and little puzzles….
TR: I don’t have a computer.
TA: I can’t believe that. You must be the only one on the planet.
TR: Me and my father and my two cousins.
TA: That’s unbelievable.
TR: We go way back to the 1700s. We are not technologically caught up.
TA: Let me tell you something – I can set up a profile for you right now. What’s your date of birth?
TR: July 7, 1777.
TA: I don’t know if the computer will accept that but I can try it.
TR: Can you say that I graduated from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea?
TA: Sure, I can say whatever you want.
TR: Are you really 27 years old?
TA: No, I’m 28. What are your interests?
TR: Well, let me see – there are so many.
TA: Give me as many as you want.
TR: Ok, the Magna Carta,….
TA: What’s that?
TR: It’s like your Bill of Rights, only better.
TA: Oh. Go on.
TR: …Catherine the Great, Alexander the Great, Peter the Great, Pope Leo the Tenth, King Richard the Eighth, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci,…
TA: …from the Da Vinci Code?
TR: No, the real one…
TA: Go ahead….
TR: …Renaissance art, Picasso, Rembrandt, Beethoven, The Spanish Inquisition, science, Chess, Poker, Canasta, Bridge, Archery, precious stones, medicine, swimming, world history, Impressionism, medieval societies, Lorenzo De Medici, chemistry, submarines, Chinese Dynasties, The First World War, atomic energy, natural healing, Paris, Hong Kong, New York, London, Buenos Aires, Phoenix, Madrid, Amsterdam, music,…
TA: Hold it right there….Maybe I can set up a MySpace Music page for you. Do you play or sing?
TR: I used to play the Viola Da Gamba.
TA: A what?
TR: A Viola Da Gamba. It’s like a primitive cello.
TA: But you don’t play it any more?
TR: No. When my father and I had a shipwreck off the coast of France back in 1795, we had nothing else to hold on to and when we finally got to shore, the poor thing was a total loss. I never had the heart to take it up again.
TA: Where should I say you’re from?
TR: I don’t live anywhere. I’m always on assignment.
TA: On assignment?
TR: Yes, to do interviews with famous people.
TA: But, I have to put something in that field – it will not accept a blank.
TR: Well, then put Birmingham.
TA: Good – Birmingham, Alabama.
TR: No, Birmingham, England.
TA: Why can’t we put New York?
TR: Because it’s not in England.
TA: Why does it have to be England?
TR: It does not have to be but I’m on my way to interview Dorothy and she’s from there.
TA: And who is Dorothy?
TR: One of your 287,000,000 friends.
TA: Well, as long as you’re there you might as well interview the Queen too.
TR: I already have.
TA: And, did it go well?
TR: Better than I expected.
TA: I’ll be done with your page by the time you get back. It will have a magnificent layout. Trust me. You’ll be able to see it from any computer. You’ll need a password to get in but I can give it to you right now. How does Retrotim101 sound to you?
TR: I think I can remember it.
TA: Just don’t share it with anyone.
TR: Not even Dorothy?
TA: No, not even Dorothy.
TR: Ok. And where can I find a computer in England?
TA: Try a library. I’m sure they have libraries there.
TR: Oh, I’m sure.
TA: Ok, then, you are all set up. We should be able to place lots of interesting ads on your page.
TR: Thank you Tom.
TA: Thank you sir.
Volume 19 No. 2 – May 18, 2009
Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.
TR: Good afternoon. Are you Tom Anderson?
TA: Can’t you tell by the white T-shirt?
TR: I’m just making sure – there’s some doubt that you even exist.
TA: Yeah, I heard that rumor, but here I am in the flesh.
TR: I didn’t know you had a tattoo.
TA: Only my mother knows about it.
TR: It’s in the shape of the Milky Way.
TA: Yeah, pretty cool, no?
TR: It’s appropriate I guess.
TA: Yeah, outer space.
TR: Could I have a beer?
TA: A beer?
TR: Yes sir, a beer.
TA: Well if I had some I would gladly give you one but we don’t keep beer in the office.
TR: Why not?
TA: Well, it’s part of the MySpace terms. No beer on the premises.
TR: May I sit down?
TA: Of course – you can use that chair over there.
TR: The shiny one?
TA: Yeah – the paint should be dry by now.
TR: …and if it’s not?
TA: Then you can sit on the other chair – the one with the broken leg.
TR: Why is the furniture so rickety?
TA: We were bought out by Rupert Murdoch not too long ago and the guy is such a cheapskate it’s unbelievable. He got rid of all the stylish new furniture Chris and I had and he insisted on everything second hand. The good things in here I had to bring from my apartment. It’s a good thing it’s only two blocks away.
TR: Can I print that?
TA: About my apartment?
TR: No, about the furniture.
TA: No – he might get mad and fire me.
TR: Ok, I won’t. You don’t have pictures on the walls either?
TA: It’s forbidden by MySpace terms.
TR: Really?
TA: No – I made that up. I just happen to not like pictures on the wall. They are a distraction.
TR: Yes, of course. You are very busy with your 250,000,000 friends.
TA: 287,000,000.
TR: Is that more than Facebook?
TA: We are neck and neck. Have you seen their site lately? Nothing but games and little puzzles….
TR: I don’t have a computer.
TA: I can’t believe that. You must be the only one on the planet.
TR: Me and my father and my two cousins.
TA: That’s unbelievable.
TR: We go way back to the 1700s. We are not technologically caught up.
TA: Let me tell you something – I can set up a profile for you right now. What’s your date of birth?
TR: July 7, 1777.
TA: I don’t know if the computer will accept that but I can try it.
TR: Can you say that I graduated from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea?
TA: Sure, I can say whatever you want.
TR: Are you really 27 years old?
TA: No, I’m 28. What are your interests?
TR: Well, let me see – there are so many.
TA: Give me as many as you want.
TR: Ok, the Magna Carta,….
TA: What’s that?
TR: It’s like your Bill of Rights, only better.
TA: Oh. Go on.
TR: …Catherine the Great, Alexander the Great, Peter the Great, Pope Leo the Tenth, King Richard the Eighth, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci,…
TA: …from the Da Vinci Code?
TR: No, the real one…
TA: Go ahead….
TR: …Renaissance art, Picasso, Rembrandt, Beethoven, The Spanish Inquisition, science, Chess, Poker, Canasta, Bridge, Archery, precious stones, medicine, swimming, world history, Impressionism, medieval societies, Lorenzo De Medici, chemistry, submarines, Chinese Dynasties, The First World War, atomic energy, natural healing, Paris, Hong Kong, New York, London, Buenos Aires, Phoenix, Madrid, Amsterdam, music,…
TA: Hold it right there….Maybe I can set up a MySpace Music page for you. Do you play or sing?
TR: I used to play the Viola Da Gamba.
TA: A what?
TR: A Viola Da Gamba. It’s like a primitive cello.
TA: But you don’t play it any more?
TR: No. When my father and I had a shipwreck off the coast of France back in 1795, we had nothing else to hold on to and when we finally got to shore, the poor thing was a total loss. I never had the heart to take it up again.
TA: Where should I say you’re from?
TR: I don’t live anywhere. I’m always on assignment.
TA: On assignment?
TR: Yes, to do interviews with famous people.
TA: But, I have to put something in that field – it will not accept a blank.
TR: Well, then put Birmingham.
TA: Good – Birmingham, Alabama.
TR: No, Birmingham, England.
TA: Why can’t we put New York?
TR: Because it’s not in England.
TA: Why does it have to be England?
TR: It does not have to be but I’m on my way to interview Dorothy and she’s from there.
TA: And who is Dorothy?
TR: One of your 287,000,000 friends.
TA: Well, as long as you’re there you might as well interview the Queen too.
TR: I already have.
TA: And, did it go well?
TR: Better than I expected.
TA: I’ll be done with your page by the time you get back. It will have a magnificent layout. Trust me. You’ll be able to see it from any computer. You’ll need a password to get in but I can give it to you right now. How does Retrotim101 sound to you?
TR: I think I can remember it.
TA: Just don’t share it with anyone.
TR: Not even Dorothy?
TA: No, not even Dorothy.
TR: Ok. And where can I find a computer in England?
TA: Try a library. I’m sure they have libraries there.
TR: Oh, I’m sure.
TA: Ok, then, you are all set up. We should be able to place lots of interesting ads on your page.
TR: Thank you Tom.
TA: Thank you sir.
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