Ignore This Post

I'm just posting so that November 2012 won't be a blank month for this blog. That's all. Ciao.

Barbara Walters interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 30 - May 2, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Barbara Walters?
BW: Oh, please. I’m sure I’m still recognizable despite my age. Do come in and make yourself comfortable.
TR: I didn’t mean to….
BW: Don’t worry about it. Everybody gets old. Someday, even you will be old.
TR: I am already. I remember the Civil War.
BW: That’s impossible. You must have dreamt it. I’ve known a lot of people over the years and I know first hand from one famous Hindu doctor….
TR: I still have my Union Army uniform from the war, and….
BW: Does it still fit?
TR: Yes it does.
BW: That’s amazing. How can that be?
TR: I’m supposed to be asking the questions.
BW: Yes, of course, it’s just that I can’t help myself…. You could have made a fortune interviewing those famous people – Lincoln, Grant, Lee,…
TR: I didn’t know how to read or write.
BW: Oh,…. I guess that would have been a handicap for anybody.
TR: You started out as a writer.
BW: How is it you don’t show your real age?
TR: I come from a family of long-lived people.
BW: But you have short legs….
TR: Long-lived, not long-limbed….
BW: You have a tendency to mumble.
TR: I’m not the only one…..
BW: I beg your pardon ….
TR: I didn’t mean it in a bad way….
BW: Never mind. I’m very, very interested in how a man – a person – any person – can stay so young for so long.
TR: I’m not young.
BW: Well, ok – let’s just say young-looking.
TR: As I said, my family tree has several ….
BW: There has to be more to it than that.
TR: I have taken Chinese herbs for a long time….
BW: I knew China would come into the picture sooner or later. Tell me more. I’m dying to know.
TR: Most of the herbs are fairly common, but they are prepared in combination with the bark of a rare tree found only in the Himalayas.
BW: What kind of tree?
TR: I can’t say. My cousin sends me the herbs from Thailand.
BW: Is this some sort of secret?
TR: I would tell you if I knew.
BW: Why isn’t it on the market? I mean, it would make you rich.
TR: There’s only one tree left.
BW: So there’s not enough to go around? Is that what you’re saying?
TR: I don’t know.
BW: Is it a big tree?
TR: I can’t say.
BW: You can’t say or you won’t say? Surely you can tell me. I’m not Connie Chung.
TR: Who’s Connie Chung?
BW: You know, technically, this is not a Chinese tree.
TR: I wouldn’t lie to you. I think it’s in Tibet.
BW: The Himalayas are in Nepal. Didn’t you stop to consider that?
TR: I don’t know….
BW: Have you ever talked to the Dalai Lama?
TR: No, but I interviewed Nancy Pelosi and she talked to the Dalai Lama.
BW: I know Nancy. She must know something about this. How did we get off on this tangent?
TR: You asked about my age.
BW: Do you have a picture of this tree?
TR: My cousin’s sister-in-law might have one.
BW: Where does she live?
TR: In Nepal, right on the border with Tibet.
BW: What does she do there?
TR: She works for the U.N.
BW: Are you on friendly terms with her?
TR: I’m on friendly terms with everybody.
BW: Can you get her on the phone?
TR: I’m sure my cousin can.
BW: What does your cousin do?
TR: He works for the U.N.
BW: I know Kofi Annan.
TR: Coffee who?
BW: This will be much easier than I thought. Can you tell me more?
TR: Well, the herbs can be taken as a tea or they can be smoked.
BW: Would you happen to have some on you?
TR: Yes.
BW: May I see a sample?
TR: When can I start asking you some questions?
BW: We might not have time for that. Can you come back another time? I would love to continue our talk.
TR: I will show you the sample when I come back.
BW: How about your cousin’s name and phone number?
TR: That too. Thank you so much for your time.

Nancy Pelosi Interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 12 - March 21, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Nancy Pelosi?
NP: Yes, I’m Speaker Pelosi.
TR: May I come in?
NP: What do you want here?
TR: I’m with the Coffee Club Newsletter. I have an appointment.
NP: Would you mind waiting in the foyer? I have to check with someone about this.
TR: Ok. I’ll finish my beer out here.
NP: You shouldn’t be drinking this time of day, especially not that yucky beer.
TR: That’s all I can afford.
NP: Well, it doesn’t look good.
TR: I’m almost done.
NP: Fine. Why did you want to talk to me?
TR: I had an appointment to do a short interview.
NP: You don’t look like a reporter.
TR: I have a diploma from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea.
NP: Are you a spy?
TR: No. I don’t even carry a magnifying lens. I just have a camera and my recorder.
NP: That doesn’t make you a journalist.
TR: I don’t know anything else.
NP: Try running for office.
TR: Are you serious?
NP: No, of course not.
TR: How long will I have to stand here?
NP: Hillary hasn’t picked up yet. Let me try again.
TR: Hillary who?
NP: Clinton.
TR: Oh. Why do you have to ask her?
NP: You don’t need to know that.
TR: Sorry.
NP: She’s not answering. She must be very busy. Maybe I’ll just have to trust you. Leave all your equipment outside. No cameras, no cell phones, no tape recorders…. Everything will be off the record, understand?
TR: Yes. May I come in now?
NP: Go ahead; just don’t sit on any of the sofas.
TR: Ok.
NP: How long will this take?
TR: Two minutes.
NP: Go.
TR: Where?
NP: Oh my. Ask me your questions.
TR: I understand that you have been talking to the Dalai Lama.
NP: Yes, he is such a lovely man.
TR: Did you discuss the situation in Tibet?
NP: We touched on the subject of course, but we also spoke about other things.
TR: Can you elaborate?
NP: Yes, but I won’t. You don’t really need to know.
TR: Is he as charming as they say?
NP: Much more than they say. He understands everything with what I would call super clarity. We meditated together.
TR: But you also talked?
NP: I did most of the talking.
TR: I understand.
NP: What do you mean by that?
TR: Nothing. I just said I understood.
NP: Well, don’t print it. It sounds sinister.
TR: I won’t print it. I just figured that since you are the speaker….
NP: Fine.
TR: Did he complain about the Chinese?
NP: No, I wouldn’t say that. He is very patient and serene. You should buy his books.
TR: I can’t afford them.
NP: I would lend you some but I don’t trust you. You would never return them.
TR: You are assuming I’m forgetful.
NP: That and much more.
TR: I don’t understand.
NP: Good. It’s better for you.
TR: So you were impressed with the Dalai Lama?
NP: I already knew him from a previous incarnation. I think the Chinese have orchestrated some very horrible things in Tibet and they had better get out soon before President Bush hears of it.
TR: What would be wrong with that?
NP: He might decide to send troops. It would be a nightmare.
TR: So, what is your suggestion?
NP: I won’t know until Hillary calls me back.
TR: I hear your phone ringing. Good bye and thank you so much.
NP: Hello? Hillary?