Saturday, February 21, 2009

Open letter to Carlos Slim

This letter was published in a Mexican newspaper (probably in Mexico City) on February 15, 2009. Denise Dresser (at left) is a journalist and a political science professor, but that's all I know of her. The Spanish version of this is in my other blog. It was not easy to translate.

Open letter to Carlos Slim: By Denise Dresser

Dear Sir: I write this as a citizen, a consumer, a Mexican worried about the destiny of my country and about the role you play in its present and its future. I have thoroughly read every word you pronounced in the Forum “What To Do To Grow” and I have reflected on their implications. Your position about diverse themes made me remember that famous phrase attributed to the president of General Motors that said: “What’s good for General Motors is good for the United States." And I believe that you think something similar: what is good for Carlos Slim, for Telmex, Telcel and Grupo Carso is good for Mexico. But it is not so. You perceive that you are part of the solution when actually you are part of the problem; you think yourself a statesman with the capacity to diagnose the evils of the country when you have actually contributed to produce them; you see yourself as an indispensable rescuer when you are actually a critical obstacle. There the contradictions lay, the lapses and distortions that plagued your speech. You say that it is necessary to transform an urban and industrial society to one tertiary society, of services, of technology, and of knowledge. That is certain. But in Mexico, that transition becomes difficult in proportion with costs of telecommunications that are so high: where telephone service is so expensive, and penetration of broadband Internet is so low. That is the result of the dominance that you and your companies have in the market. In a few words, in the speech, you propose something that you are actually dedicated to prevent. You emphasize the imperative to foment productivity and competition, but throughout the years you have fought and been protected in courts before regulatory efforts that look for precisely that. You applaud competition, but only as long as it is not promoted in your sector. You say that it is not necessary to worry about the growth of the Gross Domestic Product; that the most important thing is to take care of the jobs that people like you provide. But it is indeed the lack of economic growth that has been behind the low generation of jobs in Mexico for years. And the lack of growth is directly tied with the persistence of anti-competitive practices that people like you justify. You send a message that foreign investment must be viewed with fear and ambivalence. You say that “the modern companies are the old armies; armies that conquered territories and received tribute." You hope that we do not enter a stage of “Sell Mexico” to foreign investors and you lobby so that foreign investment is not allowed in fixed telephone services. But at the same time, you have just invested millions of dollars in the United States: in The New York Times, the Saks stores, and Citigroup. From this incongruous perspective, foreign investment is worthy and must be applauded when you invest in another country, but it must be rejected in Mexico. You reiterate that “we need to be competitive in this society of knowledge and we need competition; I am in agreement with competition." But at the same time, in recent days, you have shown your open opposition to an effort to foment it, disqualifying, for example, the Plan of Interconnection that looks for a level playing field. You say that it is indispensable to help small and medium-sized companies, but simultaneously, your company - Telmex - imposes high costs of telecommunications on those same companies that impedes their growth and expansion. You say that the middle-class has grown smaller, that “people do not have income", that there must be better distribution of income. The diagnosis is correct, but it is surprising to see the lack of understanding on how you contribute to that situation. The president of the Federal Commission on Competition explains it with great clarity: consumers spend 40 percent more than they would through the lack of competition in sectors like telecommunications. And the poor pay an even higher price. You suggest the main reasons for Mexico’s troubles reside in the government: the inefficiency of the governmental bureaucracy, corruption, the inadequate infrastructure, the lack of access to financing, the crime, and the public monopolies. Without a doubt all of this contributes to the lack of competitiveness. But private monopolies like yours also contribute. You speak of the necessity “to review an economic model imposed as if it were ideological dogma" that has produced mediocre growth. But indeed that model - of regulatory insufficiency and governmental collusion - is the very one that has allowed people like you to accumulate the fortune that you have today, estimated at 59 billion dollars. From your point of view, the model is bad, but it is not necessary to change it in whatever particular form it allows you to accumulate wealth. A precise review of your words and of your performance for more than one decade reveal a serious problem: there is a breach between the perception that you have of yourself and the injurious impact of your performance; there is a contradiction between what you propose and how you act; you suffer a myopia that lets you see the straw in other people's eyes and to ignore the beam in your own. You see yourself like a great man with great ideas that deserve to be listened to. But that day before the deputies, before the senators, and before public opinion, you did not speak of the great investments that you were going to make, of the fantastic projects of infrastructure that you were going to promote, of the jobs that you were going to create, of social commitment in the face of the crisis which you would engage, of the characteristics of the new economic model that you would promise to support. In place of it, you threatened us. You spoke – in words more or less to the effect – that the economic situation would get worse and that in the face of that, nobody should touch your business, nobody should regulate it, should question it, should force it to compete. And, since on the following day the government published the Plan for Telephone Interconnection that would seek to force competition; you, in response, announced that Telmex would trim its plans for investment. You, of a whole body, acted like someone ready to do damage to Mexico if he does not obtain what he wants, when he wants it. You had the opportunity to grow and instead you shrank. Without a doubt, you have a right to promote your interests, but the problem is that you do it at the expense of the country. You have a right to express your ideas, but given your behavior, it is difficult to see you as an altruistic and disinterested actor, who only looks for the betterment of Mexico. You, without a doubt have a singular and praiseworthy talent: you know when, how, and where to invest. But another, less attractive characteristic unfolds: You know when, how and where to press and to scam the legislators, the regulators, the media, the judges, the journalists, the leftist intelligentsia, which allow themselves to be guided by a misunderstood nationalism and for that reason, accept the exploitation of a Mexican because – at least he is not foreign. You will probably shrug off this letter in a thousand ways, as you disqualify the criticisms of others. You will say that I am one of those that envy your fortune, or that I have some personal problem, or that I am resentful. But it is not thus. I write with the annoyance shared by millions of Mexicans tired of the exorbitant accounts they pay; tired of the tiresome contracts they sign; tired of the rents they transfer; tired of the rapacious companies they suffer; tired of the government employees who from time to time criticize the monopolies but do little to dismantle them. I write with sadness and frustration, and the disappointment that it produces, to be witness to conduct which could better be - conduct that could be dedicated to innovate instead of blocking - that could compete successfully but prefers to protect itself constantly – a person who could give much to the country but who chooses to keep milking it – one who could become a more influential philanthropist but who instead insists on being an insensible plutocrat. John F. Kennedy said that great crises produce great men. It is a pity that at this critical moment for Mexico, you insist on showing us that you do not aspire to that. Denise Dresser

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Danica Patrick interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 26 - April 20, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Danica Patrick?
DP: Yes, I am. Do I look like Madonna? I’ll show you my I.D.
TR: No, no, it’s just a formality. I know who you are.
DP: I’m the best female driver of all time, right?
TR: That’s saying a lot.
DP: Do you know a few female drivers?
TR: I’ve seen thousands on the freeway.
DP: I meant professional racing drivers like me.
TR: You’re the only one I ever heard of. I also saw your picture in Sports Illustrated.
DP: I thought that was nice.
TR: You are so pretty. I forgot what I did with my questions.
DP: Don’t worry about your questions. Let’s just talk about whatever.
TR: I read that you make more money advertising yourself than from winning races.
DP: Well, it all ties in. Even if I haven’t won the big one yet, there’s no reason not to get some endorsement money, don’t you think?
TR: I don’t know.
DP: Well, I do. People think I’m better at promoting myself than I am at my sport. Let them think that. I just won my first Indy Series race in Japan. That should say something about me. Even Tiger Woods doesn’t win all the time. I’m only 25. I have another 45 good years ahead of me still. I can’t just use part of who I am to earn a living. My talent rep wants to market all of me - nothing wrong with that.
TR: Do you think people will be jealous of your success?
DP: I try not to think about it. For me, it’s just competition – the whole competitive spirit in people. People will criticize me regardless. I will continue to have fun and enjoy what I do.
TR: Does your husband like it?
DP: Yes, absolutely. He’s at every race. He loves it almost as much as I do. He gets a thrill from every single one of my accomplishments.
TR: Is it boring going around the track over and over and over?
DP: Actually, if you stop to think about it, every job is like that.
TR: Yes, but most jobs aren’t as high risk as yours.
DP: What can I say? I get a charge from it. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven?
TR: Maybe 55.
DP: How would you like doing 355?
TR: I wouldn’t be able to eat for a week.
DP: No. I would start you at 60 and gradually move you up. By the end, you would be addicted. You wouldn’t be able to live without the rush. Of course, you would need to think very, very, very fast.
TR: That disqualifies me right there.
DP: Well, not everyone is made for racing. I’ve been doing it since I was a little girl.
TR: You have already set some records.
DP: Yes, but only because I am one of the few female drivers. I would most like to break the men’s records.
TR: How is it you’re not afraid of the danger?
DP: I have a passion when it comes to fighting fear. I am a warrior when I get behind the wheel.
TR: Yet, you would not pose for Playboy.
DP: That’s not the same kind of fear.
TR: What fear is that?
DP: My husband would leave me.
TR: That’s not easy to understand – how you can be so brave on the one hand and so afraid on the other.
DP: No, but just to give you an example of how dicey this fear thing is, I read that Walt Disney was afraid of mice. Lots of famous actors are actually very shy and insecure people, too, except when they’re in front of the camera.
TR: What if a racing accident ended up hurting you?
DP: I don’t think about it – just like you. Haven’t you ever photographed a war zone?
TR: No.
DP: Oh, man. How can you say you’re a photographer if you always play it safe? What do you take pictures of, birthday parties?
TR: Fights sometimes break out at parties. I’ve lost three cameras that way.
DP: Ok, I’ll give you credit for that, but in my next race, I want you next to me photographing every moment of the race.
TR: It’s a very tempting offer. I will have to think about it for a month. I’m sure I’ll need medication.
DP: No, no, no – no medication.
TR: Well, at the very least, let me increase the amount of life insurance I have.
DP: No problem.
TR: You’re not planning to retire any time soon.
DP: Are you kidding? I said I have at least another 45 years left in me. I want to race until the very end. The races may be different, but I’ll be racing.
TR: For instance?
DP: Well, this is still secret, but we are planning long distance races in lower outer space – like NASCAR in the sky sort of thing. Our biggest backer is Richard Branson.
TR: What will you be racing?
DP: Planes, of course - 747s or SSTs or modified F16s, but please don’t print any of this yet.
TR: I won’t. May I take your picture now?
DP: With or without my top?
TR: Without.
DP: Ok, but don’t print it.
TR: Don’t worry, Ms Patrick, I won’t. Thank you.

DP: Thank you, sir.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Hugo Chavez interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 9 - March 19, 2008

The following is the only-slightly-edited interview done almost a year ago with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. For security reasons, we cannot disclose precisely when the interview took place. As always, any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is strictly coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you President Chavez?
HC: Of course. I’m Hugo Chavez!! Para que pregunta hombre? You may call me Hugo. Consider me your friend.
TR: I don’t know how to be informal with famous or powerful people. I would be more comfortable with President Chavez.
HC: I am President Chavez.
TR: That’s not what I meant.
HC: Explain yourself hombre. Don’t be afraid.
TR: I have trouble with that.
HC: Let me tell you a story. I used to stutter. Would you believe that?
TR: No.
HC: Well, just believe it. Kids used to make fun of me until the day I met this very nice girl who told me she would cure me of the problem. I was only fourteen and I knew nothing about girls so I just laughed at her. Do you hear me stuttering any more?
TR: No sir.
HC: Well, she cured me.
TR: How?
HC: Use your imagination hombre. By seven o’clock that afternoon I was free of my little problem. Needless to say, I have been grateful to her ever since. She is now my Assistant Secretary of Labor.
TR: You’re a very nice man.
HC: That’s what I keep trying to tell the world. Let me ask you a favor, I would prefer this interview be done in Spanish.
TR: I am not fluent…. My eight readers won’t understand a word.
HC: Don’t use excuses, just make the effort.
TR: Ok. Esta bien, Mr. Presidente.
HC: You see. You have lost your fear. I was just testing you.
TR: You made me believe.
HC: I’m a good poker player – the best in all of Venezuela.
TR: I can see why.
HC: I read your interview of Fidel.
TR: How did that happen? You’re not a member of the Coffee Club.
HC: I have sources all over my friend. Even Putin calls me for information. I’m like your IRS, FBI, CIA, ICE, NSC, NSA, DIA, and Army Corp. of Engineers combined.
TR: I have never interviewed them.
HC: You never will. They are too embarrassed by what happened to your beautiful New Orleans.
TR: You keep yourself informed of everything?
HC: Not only that, I am presently studying four languages. I have a special tutor – a beautiful Swedish woman who is fluent in fourteen languages.
TR: Which languages are you studying?
HC: German, Russian, French, and Chinese.
TR: No Swedish?
HC: I’m learning that informally, as we go along.
TR: I think I know what you mean.
HC: It doesn’t matter. It’s confidential and you can’t publish that.
TR: I won’t.
HC: The important thing is that I have come to realize that it’s very hard to understand a culture completely unless you speak the language. That’s the secret code, if you will.
TR: Is that why President Bush doesn’t understand you?
HC: No. He just has a problem understanding anything.
TR: He won’t like what you just said.
HC: Does he read your newsletter?
TR: I don’t think so.
HC: Well then, don’t worry. If he makes trouble for you, you can come live in Venezuela.
TR: Can I write for the newspapers here, Mr. President?
HC: You can do whatever you like. This is a free country.
TR: I would like to work for El Sistema.
HC: You have heard of it. Good. That’s one of our many success stories. We have placed thousands of children in these huge orchestras to learn music and art instead of violence. You don’t see them out in the streets demonstrating, do you? We are now studying the possibility of starting a Sistema for adults. The only trouble is they’re too lazy to practice.
TR: How do you know?
HC: Maestro Dudamel told me so.
TR: Where would you get so many instruments?
HC: That’s not a problem - mostly out of Germany, Russia, and Cuba. One of my cousins takes care of all the imports into Venezuela and the government pays for everything.
TR: Do you have a favorite in the upcoming elections in the U.S.?
HC: Right now, that’s too touchy a subject so I won’t answer that. Besides, I am not one to interfere in the internal affairs of other countries.
TR: Thank you, sir. You have been most gracious.
HC: Come back soon my friend. Vaya con Dios.

Off Street Journal

Correspondents around the globe? We don't have any. We leave that to the big boys. We're here to make fun of them - the posturing, the pretense, the commercialism. PLEASE. The only correspondent we use is the Timid Reporter. That's enough for us and (besides) he's the only one we can afford - really. Even when he's not entirely sober, the man is as honest as the day is long. He may be timid, but he's not naive and he's not afraid. On top of that, he is so old (he'll be 232 in July) he's the only correspondent in the world who can claim to have lived history, not just read about it in a book.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Barbara Walters interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 30 - May 2, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Barbara Walters?
BW: Oh, please. I’m sure I’m still recognizable despite my age. Do come in and make yourself comfortable.
TR: I didn’t mean to….
BW: Don’t worry about it. Everybody gets old. Someday, even you will be old.
TR: I am already. I remember the Civil War.
BW: That’s impossible. You must have dreamt it. I’ve known a lot of people over the years and I know first hand from one famous Hindu doctor….
TR: I still have my Union Army uniform from the war, and….
BW: Does it still fit?
TR: Yes it does.
BW: That’s amazing. How can that be?
TR: I’m supposed to be asking the questions.
BW: Yes, of course, it’s just that I can’t help myself…. You could have made a fortune interviewing those famous people – Lincoln, Grant, Lee,…
TR: I didn’t know how to read or write.
BW: Oh,…. I guess that would have been a handicap for anybody.
TR: You started out as a writer.
BW: How is it you don’t show your real age?
TR: I come from a family of long-lived people.
BW: But you have short legs….
TR: Long-lived, not long-limbed….
BW: You have a tendency to mumble.
TR: I’m not the only one…..
BW: I beg your pardon ….
TR: I didn’t mean it in a bad way….
BW: Never mind. I’m very, very interested in how a man – a person – any person – can stay so young for so long.
TR: I’m not young.
BW: Well, ok – let’s just say young-looking.
TR: As I said, my family tree has several ….
BW: There has to be more to it than that.
TR: I have taken Chinese herbs for a long time….
BW: I knew China would come into the picture sooner or later. Tell me more. I’m dying to know.
TR: Most of the herbs are fairly common, but they are prepared in combination with the bark of a rare tree found only in the Himalayas.
BW: What kind of tree?
TR: I can’t say. My cousin sends me the herbs from Thailand.
BW: Is this some sort of secret?
TR: I would tell you if I knew.
BW: Why isn’t it on the market? I mean, it would make you rich.
TR: There’s only one tree left.
BW: So there’s not enough to go around? Is that what you’re saying?
TR: I don’t know.
BW: Is it a big tree?
TR: I can’t say.
BW: You can’t say or you won’t say? Surely you can tell me. I’m not Connie Chung.
TR: Who’s Connie Chung?
BW: You know, technically, this is not a Chinese tree.
TR: I wouldn’t lie to you. I think it’s in Tibet.
BW: The Himalayas are in Nepal. Didn’t you stop to consider that?
TR: I don’t know….
BW: Have you ever talked to the Dalai Lama?
TR: No, but I interviewed Nancy Pelosi and she talked to the Dalai Lama.
BW: I know Nancy. She must know something about this. How did we get off on this tangent?
TR: You asked about my age.
BW: Do you have a picture of this tree?
TR: My cousin’s sister-in-law might have one.
BW: Where does she live?
TR: In Nepal, right on the border with Tibet.
BW: What does she do there?
TR: She works for the U.N.
BW: Are you on friendly terms with her?
TR: I’m on friendly terms with everybody.
BW: Can you get her on the phone?
TR: I’m sure my cousin can.
BW: What does your cousin do?
TR: He works for the U.N.
BW: I know Kofi Annan.
TR: Coffee who?
BW: This will be much easier than I thought. Can you tell me more?
TR: Well, the herbs can be taken as a tea or they can be smoked.
BW: Would you happen to have some on you?
TR: Yes.
BW: May I see a sample?
TR: When can I start asking you some questions?
BW: We might not have time for that. Can you come back another time? I would love to continue our talk.
TR: I will show you the sample when I come back.
BW: How about your cousin’s name and phone number?
TR: That too. Thank you so much for your time.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

George Soros interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 45 - July 14, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you George Soros?
GS: Who let you in?
TR: I’m sorry, I thought you knew….
GS: You look Republican. This apartment is not open to Republicans.
TR: I’m neither Republican nor Democrat.
GS: You’re one of those scary Independents then.
TR: I’m just a photographer.
GS: Where’s your camera?
TR: It’s broken.
GS: What’s that under your arm?
TR: It’s my tape recorder.
GS: It’s rather bulky for a tape recorder.
TR: I bought it in 1967.
GS: No wonder. You know, 1967 is when I made my first million.
TR: May I come in?
GS: Let me get the butler to come open the door.
TR: Why don’t you open it yourself?
GS: My servants do that sort of thing.
TR: Ok, I can wait.
GS: There, now you may come inside. Sit over by the fireplace where we can see you.
TR: We?
GS: You speak French.
TR: Yes.
GS: I speak four languages, including Esperanto – Hungarian, Russian, and English.
TR: English is good.
GS: Did you know I broke the Bank of England?
TR: I heard, yes.
GS: It was accidental but people gave me credit for it.
TR: You are the author of many books.
GS: …and many speeches, essays, and magazine articles.
TR: Do you consider yourself an influential man?
GS: What do you think? I brought down the Soviet Union.
TR: I thought Gorbachev did that.
GS: No, no - I financed the opposition that put all the pressure on the poor man – pressure from all sides. It didn’t just happen – someone had to pay for it. No matter what anybody says, people don’t risk their lives for nothing.
TR: So you bankrolled the leaders of all the opposition movements?
GS: Not just me, there were others.
TR: …co-conspirators?
GS: That sounds like something a Republican would say. Reagan knew what I was up to. He was behind me all the way.
TR: Can I print that?
GS: No. Let’s play it safe.
TR: Ok. Can we discuss the Open Society Institute?
GS: Sure, the OSI is one of my favorite projects.
TR: Some people say it’s not as open to public scrutiny as its mission statement purports it to be.
GS: Stulta Respublikano perfidulo.
TR: What?
GS: You don’t speak Esperanto?
TR: No.
GS: Everyone should speak Esperanto.
TR: Why?
GS: Because that’s what I speak – it’s my favorite language – so mellifluous and sweet. It’s the language of the future.
TR: Do your children speak it?
GS: Only when they don’t want any eavesdroppers to understand what they’re saying.
TR: What are the chances?
GS: Well, around the world, only 748 people speak it fluently and most of them live in Lithuania. Unfortunately, my father miscalculated. He ordered forty million Esperanto dictionaries printed. He thought it would be the universal language by 2004. He had this gift for speculating about things – maybe time will prove him right still.
TR: Or, it may become extinct.
GS: No, no, no. As long as books exist, it will not be forgotten - just like me.
TR: What will happen to your projects after you’re gone?
GS: I’m not going anywhere.
TR: I meant after you die.
GS: I don’t believe in death.
TR: But, you’ll be seventy eight next month.
GS: Well, I could be eighteen or one hundred ninety – it’s all the same to me. I still don’t believe I’m going to die. OSI is financing a top secret technology project. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject.
TR: Ok, I’ll take your word for it.
GS: You’re talking about the best investor who ever lived. I can’t die. Read my books.
TR: How about Warren Buffett?
GS: He’s a beginner. You’re comparing a rock to a diamond.
TR: What is your secret?
GS: Smart speculation.
TR: Making smart guesses?
GS: Absolutely - multiplying my money by guessing what something is going to be worth tomorrow - like oil for instance. I play poker with the world economy.
TR: You sound like a Republican.
GS: Jen amikino timema, in the world of finance, there are no political parties.
TR: Gracias Mr. Soros.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Mailer

Norman Mailer said the following: "Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists." Who knows? It just might be true. Anyone who has ever been interviewed by the press probably feels it is quite true. The only book by Mailer that I've liked is the one on Picasso.

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Timid Reporter

The Timid Reporter was born in Florence, Italy, on July 7, 1777. His father is Austrian and his mother was Gypsy. He is therefore half Gypsy and half Austrian, or the other way around. In the early Twentieth Century or thereabouts, he took a comprehensive correspondence course from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea, a school which is now defunct. As far as he knows, he is actually an accredited Journalist. He attributes his longevity to a family secret known only to himself, his father, his late mother, and two cousins. He has a steady gig with something called the Coffee Club Newsletter. The Timid Reporter never speaks for himself except in his interviews - such as they are. If you have any questions for him, ask them of me and I will see how I can get him to respond.

War

A quote from Karl Kraus: "How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print." I don't know whether there's any truth to it. Probably not.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Sarah Palin interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 47 - September 12, 2008

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Sarah Palin?
SP: Sarah Louise Heath Palin – yes, I am.
TR: I’m the Timid Reporter.
SP: Yes, you look the part. You’re two minutes late.
TR: I took the bus to get here and the bus was late.
SP: No, no, no – no excuses, sir.
TR: Ok, sorry. Where can I sit?
SP: One of these two chairs....
TR: They look pretty worn.
SP: Well, I haven’t gotten around to ordering my new furniture. I really haven’t had time to even look at catalogues, you know. I’ve been staying up late studying.
TR: What?
SP: Studying....
TR: Studying what?
SP: What do you think? Everything.....
TR: Do you think you’re a lightweight, as they say?
SP: I was told there would be no personal questions.
TR: That’s not what I meant.
SP: You’re not from Alaska – you don’t speak plainly.
TR: I was born in Florence.
SP: Where’s that?
TR: Italy.
SP: Of course. They are one of our allies.
TR: Can I have a beer?
SP: Absolutely not. Why would you even want a beer?
TR: Because I’m thirsty?
SP: No, that won’t do. I think you need some coffee. That’s what I think.
TR: Ok, I understand. Can I ask you about Wasilla?
SP: Sure, that’s my hometown.
TR: Were you a really tough Mayor?
SP: Only the people who got fired think so. I did what I had to do, that’s all. I balanced the budget, I cut taxes, I almost did away with the museum....
TR: You don’t like art?
SP: Of course I do - we have moose heads hanging on our walls all over the house.
TR: Do you enjoy firing people?
SP: I think I have a right to work with people who will work with me.
TR: People who always agree with you?
SP: I wouldn’t say always, but a good 99% of the time would be nice.
TR: But you have a reputation for being aggressive and controlling.
SP: I have a feeling you have been coached by the Obama people.
TR: They called you Sarah Barracuda in high school, no?
SP: Yes, but I also won the Miss Congeniality title in the Miss Alaska Pageant.
TR: Ok. Why don’t you like endangered species?
SP: I like all species – endangered or not. I just don’t think there are as many endangered species as they say. Maybe the human race is the most endangered species of all.
TR: How about the beluga whale?
SP: We have plenty of those.
TR: Why are you a member of the NRA?
SP: All true Republicans are, except maybe Joe Lieberman.
TR: Can I print that?
SP: You’d better not.
TR: Ok, I won’t. Why was it that you never had a passport?
SP: It’s not a crime not to have one.
TR: ...but, if you want to travel overseas.
SP: It’s not a crime not to travel overseas.
TR: I see.
SP: Many of our early American statesmen never travelled.
TR: Those were simpler times.
SP: Of course those were simpler times, but they also saw the need to stay close to home, to take care of the peoples’ needs first. Ambassadors used to travel, but not Presidents and certainly not Vice Presidents.
TR: You have been criticized for not knowing any heads of state. Do you think you could deal with Hugo Chavez?
SP: I have a few ideas but I can’t discuss them with you. Mr. Chavez can be temperamental, but there’s a reason for it – a very obvious reason. The man needs a stable social life.
TR: How do you know?
SP: A mother just knows these things. Besides, the CIA gave me a full briefing on him this morning.
TR: Do you think Hillary resents you?
SP: Hillary who?
TR: Never mind. Are you concerned about global warming?
SP: There are two sides to that coin. Global warming can be bad but it can also be good.
TR: Yes?
SP: That’s all I’m going to say about it.
TR: Ok. Where do you stand on the war?
SP: I’m in favor of winning it.
TR: What do you think led you to where you are today?
SP: Term limits.
TR: Term limits?
SP: Certainly. If it hadn’t been for the term limits in Wasilla, I would have run again and again and again and today I would still be Mayor of Wasilla.
TR: Thank you so much Governor Palin.
SP: Thank you sir.