The Last One

I'm just posting this because I can - it will be the last post of 2010. I can remember far better years than 2010. We are at this point about one hour away from 2011. I wonder if things will ever get better. I think they will get a lot worse before they get better. Men have a knack for making a mess of even the best things. Too much violence - too much greed - too much ego - too much sickness. Ok. I guess that's enough.

Nobody came

I attended an art show opening recently - very recently. The artist was well-known and experienced. The show was scheduled for a good, convenient hour - 7:30pm. The room could accomodate about 120 people but only 8 showed up, including myself. I would like to know why. Poor promotion? Low appreciation? The holiday hours? Bad location? No free wine? Not enough friends? Not avant garde enough? I think low appreciation and poor promotion are to blame - in that order. I figure that if someone cares about something they will make every effort to support it. I bet that if the artist had been giving hundred dollar bills away, the place would have been jammed with wall-to-wall self-serving art lovers. The art itself was not at all bad by the way.

33 Miners

I knew it would come to this. The 33 rescued miners who made a deal to keep quiet so they could share equally in any profits to be derived from selling their story are now finding their deal is unraveling. When there are so many people involved and the people are in need of financial assistance, well, this sort of unraveling just happens. Sorry. They should have hired an agent or a lawyer to coordinate all this.

God knew

Have you ever wondered.... I read in the paper that a man driving on the freeway on his way home from a basketball game never made it home because a tire hit his windshield and killed him almost instantly. The tire came off a big truck driving in the opposite direction on the other side of the freeway. It was considered a freak accident. The man, of course, had no idea what was about to happen to him two minutes before the tire came crashing through his windshield. As far as he was concerned, he was just driving home normally. He had no idea even ten seconds before the ocurrence. But God knew. A girl driving home from somewhere had a blowout and burned to death when her van overturned and pinned her so that she could not get out. Five seconds before the blowout she was driving happily home, completely oblivious to what was about to happen. But God was not oblivious. He knew. People who went to work at the Twin Towers on 9/11/2001 had no idea what would happen to them that morning, but God did. He knew. God knows about every accident that's about to happen and every crime and atrocity about to be committed. He knows about every child who is beat up and every injustice that takes place. Every greedy act. Every dishonest act. Every perverse act. Yet, He does not intervene. Why not? Anyone know?

The trouble with LEAF

Nissan has a new car out - the LEAF. If I could find a photo of it I would post it but I think I'll post a picture of something else instead. Not that it would make a difference to anyone. The LEAF can take you a distance of one hundred miles before it runs out of steam - so to speak. I play in an orchestra that requires me to travel 114 miles round trip for each rehearsal or performance. I would be stranded before I could make it home. The electric technology is just too immature for it to do me any good. Would cab drivers be able to use this car? Hmmm....

Crops

Ladies and gentlemen, I think the world is about to experience a rash of crop failures which will make cereals and fruits and vegetables very, very expensive. Don't ask me how I know. Giant food processors like Archer Daniels Midland are about to become super rich. Buy shares in the company if you can. If you can't, then store up a few cans and boxes of whatever food you can afford.

Wall Street Journal

I saw an ad on this page for the Wall Street Journal and I asked myself why they would put one of their ads here. We have nothing in common. Really. I don't put ads on their page. I suppose there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I'll just listen to some salsa music - they don't have salsa at the Wall Street Journal site.

Russian Gadget

There is a story in Russia Today that someone in Russia (where else?) has invented a device which will prevent you from going to sleep at the wheel. It is a simple ring worn on your middle finger which rings a bell or vibrates as soon as your metabolic processes start to slow down. I hope it works - we could use a device like that. Too many drivers fall asleep at the wheel and then crash big time. Who can save you from that?

Audrina Patridge Interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 11 - March 20, 2008

Warning: any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is strictly coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you Audrina Patridge?
AP: Who are you? Do you have a camera?
TR: Yes. I always carry one when I’m on assignment.
AP: You didn’t answer my first question. I’m not letting you in until you do.
TR: I’m a reporter with the Coffee Club Newsletter.
AP: I’m not talking to anyone until my press agent tells me to.
TR: You don’t trust me? It will be very brief. I promise you. I can never think of enough questions for a long interview.
AP: I’ll give you three minutes. Don’t let anybody see you coming in here.
TR: Oh, my God. You are so beautiful.
AP: You haven’t seen my pictures?
TR: No. They said they were X-rated.
AP: They are not. I’ll show them to you. Here, sit down please.
TR: Oh, my God. You are even more beautiful than I thought.
AP: Thank you.
TR: You must have at least a hundred of them in that box.
AP: One hundred fourteen – no duplicates.
TR: Can I have some?
AP: Never. You are so naïve. They would absolutely kill me if they saw all these.
TR: Why?
AP: I don’t really know. I’m so upset over the reaction of some people.
TR: Who?
AP: I guess people who don’t like me and don’t want my career to blossom.
TR: You don’t need to be ashamed or embarrassed.
AP: I’m really not, but I have to do what’s best for my future.
TR: You are just absolutely beautiful. Is that really you in those pictures?
AP: Of course.
TR: How would I be able to tell?
AP: I’m not about to show you.
TR: Are you busy later tonight?
AP: I’m not an escort. I’m an actress – that’s better than just being a model.
TR: Yes. I’m sorry. I got carried away.
AP: I know the feeling. I’ve learned a lot these last two days. Put your camera away, please.
TR: I was just going to clean the lens.
AP: Why? I won’t let you take pictures of anything here, not even my cat.
TR: Sorry.
AP: How did you find out where I lived anyway?
TR: I subscribe to a service that snoops on celebrities and politicians.
AP: You’re not a stalker?
TR: No, no…I’m just a reporter – a journalist actually.
AP: Is there a difference?
TR: A difference in what?
AP: Never mind. Maybe you can help me get over this scandal.
TR: I don’t see how – I only have eight readers.
AP: That’s really pitiful. You should do something scandalous to get exposure.
TR: I’m not attractive like you.
AP: No, you’re not. Maybe you should do a big story on someone really distasteful like Britney.
TR: Britney Spears? I think that woman is totally boring. She has nothing to say.
AP: You couldn’t get past the bodyguards either?
TR: No.
AP: I thought so.
TR: I’ve tried everything. I even got a fake letter of recommendation from Walt Disney but she wouldn’t buy it.
AP: I have some interesting pictures of her that nobody has ever seen.
TR: That’s impossible.
AP: Nope. I will share two of them with you if you do something for me.
TR: Anything. I’ll do anything to talk to Britney.
AP: Ok, ok. Don’t get so out-of-control.
TR: Sorry. What do you want me to do?
AP: Talk to the Playboy people for me.
TR: I can do that. I have Hefner’s addresses and cell phone numbers.
AP: Great. Tell them I’m still interested in doing the spread. I want something in the high six-figure range for the shoot. If you can get that gig for me, I’ll share Britney’s photos with you.
TR: Cool. No problem.
AP: I bet you they now feel like the guy that turned down the Beatles.
TR: For sure.
AP: Maybe both of us can get something out of this. Just don’t tell anybody.
TR: I won’t.
AP: Thanks. You’re sweet.
TR: Thank you Ms Patridge. Bye.

Electric Cars

If you followed the news yesterday, you might know that Tesla Motors had a public offering on Wall Street. They raised lots of money - that should help them further develop their electric car. The current price of a Tesla car is about $100,000, but they hope to be able to bring the price down to about $50,000 within a year. At that rate, the little car will not really make much of an impact on the greening of the environment. Only people who want to show off their environmental friendliness will want to buy this car. The masses will still prefer the Cooper or the Corolla or the Focus or the Leaf or the Lexus.

Pope Benedict Interview

Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 20 No. 1 – February 10, 2010

Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Guten Tag. Sind Sie Pope Benedict?
PB: Hahaha. Ja. Hereingekommen bitte.
TR: Ich spreche Deutsches, aber meine Lesser tun nicht.
PB: Ooooh. Wurde Sie mögen mich Englisch sprechen?
TR: Ja. Please.
PB: Ok. You know you have a good German accent.
TR: I got it from my father – he is Austrian.
PB: Good. Have a seat right here. I had some cookies and tea prepared for you.
TR: Thank you but could I have a beer instead? Corona Light?
PB: Hahaha. We do serve beer once in a while but only after five in the afternoon. You will excuse our traditional protocol?
TR: I always respect traditions and customs – no problem. I guess there is a reason some things never change. You know, even this room has not changed. It looks exactly the same to me.
PB: You have been here before?
TR: Yes.
PB: Wann? I do not remember that.
TR: October, 1793.
PB: You need to go to confession soon my son.
TR: My father and I were delivering new rifles and uniforms to the Papal Guards – he was in the arms business back then. I was 16 years old. I remember this room vividly.
PB: But, I had new carpet installed here when I became Pope.
TR: Yes, I know it’s new but the design is the same, the fiber is the same, and the placement on the floor is exactly the same. It’s new but it’s exactly like the old – very luxurious - very fine quality. I remember it. The paintings are the same and the furniture, too.
PB: I don’t know how you know but you are absolutely right. You said your father was Austrian?
TR: He is.
PB: He is living?
TR: Yes sir.
PB: Did you see His Holiness in 1793 then?
TR: No. He wouldn’t see us because my father was selling weapons to the French revolutionaries. That was Pope Pius I think.
PB: Yes, Pius VI was against the revolution.
TR: He also only paid us 50% - the balance was never paid.
PB: That is unbelievable.
TR: It was no big deal. We wrote off the bad debt – it wasn’t a large number of rifles anyway.
PB: I was not referring to the debt. How can any man live so long? Adam and his immediate descendants lived long but not modern men. You don’t look a day over 40.
TR: I was in fact born in 1777.
PB: And your father?
TR: I don’t know, but he is older than I.
PB: Ja. Of course he would be. You should bring him here. I am interested in talking to him at length.
TR: He has told me stories about the Roman Empire.
PB: Fascinating - fascinating. How have you managed to live so long? Do you know?
TR: Yes. We regularly drink tea made from some Chinese herbs combined with the bark of a tree in the Himalayas.
PB: You know where the tree is and the herbs?
TR: My cousins do.
PB: …And you haven’t shared this with anyone else?
TR: Well, Barbara Walters was very curious about it when I interviewed her - Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, too.
PB: Who are they? Are they Catholic?
TR: I have no idea. They are just ordinary business people from the United States.
PB: Oh. Have they tried to buy this secret from you?
TR: They have no way of contacting me – only my father and my two cousins know where I am at any given time.
PB: Good. Good. I will write out a personal invitation for your father. I take it on faith that everything you have told me is true.
TR: Sure. I never lie – regardless. I need to ask you a few questions though.
PB: Ja. I forgot you came to interview me.
TR: I only have four or five questions – I can never think of anything interesting to ask.
PB: Well, go ahead anyway.
TR: Well, first of all, I was wondering about now that you are Pope, if the Italians will ever be Pope again?
PB: Well, we do not exactly have to rotate the Holy Office but they can try.
TR: Will the Vatican always be in Rome?
PB: Actually, I have been thinking of establishing a summer Vatican in Berlin. Maybe we can try it out for a few years – for the German Popes.
TR: Do you think there will be opposition to the idea? It sounds very novel.
PB: Well, I am not the President of a country – I am the Pope. There is no legislature here. When I decide to do something, it is done. Besides, the weather there is better than in London.
TR: Oh, for sure. I used to live there. How about the Middle East?
PB: Ooooh, the weather there is even worse. Too hot.
TR: I meant – what do you think of the prospects for peace in the Middle East?
PB: I think it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle….
TR: So, it’s not possible?
PB: Perhaps it is. I plan to set an example for our brothers in the Middle East.
TR: How?
PB: I will begin the process of reuniting the Protestants and the Catholics - all of us. When the Reformation began, it was mostly due to abuses in the Church which have now largely disappeared. It is reasonable, therefore, that if most of the abuses are gone, then the schism should be gone too. We are not all that different. I think it can be done in this generation.
TR: Really?
PB: Ja, but that’s not all. After the Church is once more united, I have a plan for uniting the Church and the State.
TR: Does anyone else know about this?
PB: Nooooo. I trust you will keep it to yourself.
TR: Ok.
PB: Once the Middle Easterners see what we have done, they will work toward reconciliation, too.
TR: But who will head this new organization?
PB: That can be figured out as we go. The French would probably be interested. We just need to agree on one thing without exception.
TR: What’s that?
PB: Latin will have to be declared the official language – the language of peace.
TR: What about celibacy?
PB: We will either all be celibate or all be allowed to marry.
TR: Even your Holiness?
PB: Yes, I’m not that old, I could meet a nice girl, and if I get to see your father soon, I might live to be a thousand. With God, all things are possible. When you finish your tea, maybe you can tell me about some of these old paintings. I have always wondered where they came from.
TR: I would be happy to.
PB: Danke.
TR: Thank you too.

Silent music

My, oh my. I just heard that the Honolulu Symphony has declared bankruptcy. No more concerts for them. The Seattle Symphony is also in some sort of trouble - the Utah Symphony as well. The Cleveland Orchestra might go on strike this weekend. I'm going to have to think about this for a couple of minutes.

Ok. Here's what needs to happen. It seems that forever, orchestras have been playing the same music over and over and over and over and over and over.... Composers have been writing new music - sure they have. Unfortunately, it's plain garbage that only conductors like or pretend to like because of peer pressure. Audiences don't like to pay to go hear garbage. They would rather sing in the shower. Someone in a position of authority needs to let composers know that music should be inspired and communicate something that inspires. Don't write music as if you were a mathematician or an engineer. That's for students. PLEASE.